


Kattehookern

by Allregretto



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cats, Comedy, Fluff, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-12
Packaged: 2018-10-15 23:43:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10559708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Allregretto/pseuds/Allregretto
Summary: Losing track of your roommate's cat really sucks, but at least Isak has his hot neighbor to help him out.





	1. 9 Lives

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to my ridiculous little story! This is the first fic I've ever written, as well as the only non email or lab report writing I have done in a long time, so please be kind. It came to be when my friend said she wanted to read a fic I had written and it was also near her birthday, so here is my attempt to put the vat of ping pong balls that represents my thoughts into words. If any others out there read this and enjoy it I would be elated!
> 
>  
> 
> Warnings for.... language? Is that really even something worth warning about? Eh, whatever. Just read the story. If you want.
> 
> Edit: apparently remembering to code the italics in all the right places is really difficult. I'll probably be catching spots I missed for days.

_This is not how this weekend was supposed to go_ is what he would be complaining, if he’d had the breath to complain at all, which he most certainly didn’t, since his lungs were too busy trying to keep up with his headlong sprint through the streets of Oslo. It all started because he’d left the window open. Well, it was cracked open at best. No cat, let alone one made fat from Eskild’s pampering, should be able to fit out a space that small. Either way the damage was done; Isak’s relaxing weekend without his roommate had turned into an insane race across the city after the fattest cat in town, a race that Isak was unequivocally losing. Isak’s mind burned with questions as his lungs burned for air: how had he managed to lose his roommate’s cat within three hours of his departure for a weekend away, what would he do if he couldn’t catch it, and most importantly, _how the hell could something so rotund be so fast?_ Of course, he had no answers to any of these questions just as he had no breath to answer them with and tried instead to keep his mind on the hopeless chase ahead of him.

He’d heard the cat’s bell and had initially ignored it in favor of the episode of Breaking Bad playing on his laptop until he noticed it was coming from outside his window. The damn cat had looked him right in the eye (sassy bastard) from the tree branch immediately outside, before half climbing, half falling to the ground and smugly trotting away; he’d never seen a less graceful landing and yet the cat managed to own it like a king. His own scrambling from his bed, his room, his apartment, down the stairs and out the door was probably less graceful still and the cat’s unimpressed stare and scornful tail flick only confirmed that it found him lacking, but Isak didn’t even have time to be offended at the cat’s appraisal of his athletic (non)prowess before its usual lumbering saunter morphed into an Olympic level sprint and he was left scrambling in its wake.

“LOUIE!” Isak shouted after him, to no avail. Of course; it was a cat, and a damn contrary one at that, and if anything the knowledge that he wanted it to return only made it run faster in the opposite direction. _Why couldn’t Eskild have gotten a dog?_  


So much for keeping his mind on the chase; Isak broke out of his moment of reflection on his and his roommate’s life choices just in time to dodge past a businessman in a nice suit. Well, perhaps not quite in time; he still winged the man’s shoulder, sending him staggering and furious with papers flying everywhere and Isak realized it likely reflected poorly on his character that he settled for a hastily called out apology in favor of continuing after the blur of black-and-white fur dashing around the corner, rather than stopping and helping to clean up the mess he’d caused like a decent human being. Still, his aversion to confronting a stranger’s anger combined with his fear of losing the cat Eskild loved less than three hours after he’d promised to look after it quickly replaced his guilt with a burst of adrenaline and a new surge of speed.

“Damn it Louie, get back here!” he shouted (wheezed), as exasperated as he was exhausted and too much of both to care about the disapproving stares of the pedestrians trying to remove themselves from his path. Frustration, however, quickly gave way to panic when he saw the cat preparing to cross the street.

Louie paused before crossing, looking as unconcerned as if he did this every day, and Isak closed the distance, but not fast enough to grab the cat before he darted across the busy road. Real fear for Louie’s safety and thoughts of what _will I tell Eskild he’s never going to forgive me_ oh god all but blinded Isak to his surroundings as he charged after him, heart hammering so hard he thought it would leap out of his throat, making a damn bloody mess on the pavement just like the one he desperately feared was in the cat’s future. 

The shouted “Wait!” was easily ignored; the iron grip on his bicep less so, and Isak didn’t even have time to reflect on which of Newton’s laws was responsible for his tumbling backwards onto the sidewalk which seemed more cloth covered and bony than he would have expected it to be, elbow driving into what felt like a ribcage, accompanied by a whoosh of breath and a pained grunt, as a car, horn blaring, hurtled over the spot of road he had until seconds ago been trying to cross.

Dazed, Isak’s mind scattered, unable to choose between focusing on the cat, his near miss with moving traffic, the fact he was suddenly horizontal when he had been vertical mere seconds ago, or what felt like a knee jabbing painfully into his gut. Before he could come to a proper decision about any of these things a deep voice startled him from his internal floundering.

“Fancy seeing you here.” Isak started, attention finally drawn outward, looking up and into blue eyes he couldn’t forget if he tried. 

“Wha-" was all he could manage and he was lucky he even managed that. The chase, the cat, the car, and now his rescue by the hot neighbor he had always been too shy to introduce himself to left him both speechless and wondering how, out of all the universes out there, he had found himself in one so ridiculous. He had accepted in the weeks since he and Eskild had moved to the new apartment building that he might never work up the courage to talk to the attractive guy living in the studio down the hall, let alone bluff well enough to impress him with his charm; every time they so much as made eye contact he’d quickly fled to his apartment, fleeing even faster the day before when he was greeted with a smirk and a wink. That Hot Neighbor had to see him winded, sweaty and about to run out into moving traffic, however, only added insult to whatever injury he had caused when he’d rammed his elbow into the guy’s ribcage. 

“I–" Isak tried again, only for every single word in his considerable vocabulary to fail him once more as his undoubtedly already red face flushed even more and Hot Neighbor’s eyes crinkled, eyebrows quirking with what he might interpret as amusement, if he hadn’t been laying on top of the guy in the middle of a crowded sidewalk. The realization that he was in fact sprawled on top of Hot Neighbor out in public hit him at the same time as his recollection that he really needed to find that damn cat and Isak scrambled up and backwards, stammering out something that could resemble an apology if one were generous about the definition and so unbalanced by his own flailing that he wasn’t entirely sure which way was up.

“Easy. I’ve got you.” Hot Neighbor’s low voice was as soothing as it was arousing ( _Arousing? What the hell Isak?_ ) as he gripped Isak’s shoulders, steadying him as they disentangled themselves, pulling him back to his feet with a firm, warm hand.

“The cat.... my roommate... it-“ Isak tried again, still tongue tied but vaguely pointing across the street, as Hot Neighbor nodded.

“The cat is your roommate?” He asked, and Isak was startled from his embarrassment. _Is he really that obtuse or is he just fucking with me?_ The guy’s bright smile was innocent, almost too innocent, but Isak’s concern for Louie both distracted him from analyzing his neighbor’s motives and from kicking himself for sounding like a monosyllabic child in front of his crush.

“I need to catch my roommate’s cat.” Isak finally choked out, gesturing to the other side of the street with a bizarre combination of sheepishness and urgency that probably mostly looked like an involuntary spasm.

“Ah, I see now,” was followed by a thoughtful nod, and Isak’s attempts to parse his neighbor’s response were interrupted again when Hot Neighbor’s gaze seemed to catch on something on the other side of the street.

“Is it that cat?” he asked as Isak whirled around, relief warring with outrage as he saw the traitor cat sucking up to a woman across the street, clearly entirely unaffected by the fact that he’d almost been run over by a bus.

“Yeah, that’s him. I’ve gotta-“ Isak managed a firmer gesture and almost two sentences this time as he turned to resume his chase of the wayward feline, only for his fleeting concentration to be broken once again by a hand on his arm.

“Come with me.” Hot Neighbor pulled ahead, tugging Isak by the wrist, and he only had a few moments to appreciate how much he would have loved to hear those words in a very different context before he had to divert his attention outward to the very real and present challenges of keeping up with Hot Neighbor (the guy was even taller than Isak and had legs for days) and avoiding the odd motor vehicle careening towards them at speeds well above what Isak was comfortable with. Throughout it all, Isak couldn’t ignore the nagging memory of that article he read on the internet about how fear and adrenaline could intensify arousal; he’d been scant centimeters from becoming roadkill several times in as many minutes and yet all he could focus on was the warm hand on his wrist and _it’s just science and hormones, move along, nothing to see here, and really, who knew jaywalking could be so fucking intense?_  


Even as they scrambled to the other side of the street somehow unscathed, Isak wondering if his heart could take the exertion of pounding from fear, running, and arousal all at once without giving out, Eskild’s ridiculous cat noticed them almost immediately and took off running again, both boys in pursuit.

“Even.” Hot Neighbor pants as they round another corner. 

“What?” 

“My name is Even. And-” more wheezing, “-we need a strategy.” as the cat disappeared into a nearby park and they stumbled to a stop, gasping for breath. Isak is almost relieved for a few seconds; at least it’s not near moving traffic. But then he remembers all those stories he read about house pets being eaten by owls and coyotes and he’s not sure they even have owls or coyotes in Oslo but he doesn’t want to find out and also _finding Louie is going to be a bitch with that many trees around, especially now that night is approaching._

“Strategy?”

“Yeah. If we keep chasing him he’ll just keep running. He’s faster than he looks.” At this Isak allowed himself a brief moment of vindication. He’s not just out of shape, and this whole situation is in no way a poor reflection of his athletic skills; Hot Neighbor - _Even, Isak reminds himself, he has a name, you can’t keep using your pathetically creepy nickname_ – may be hotter than the sixth circle of hell, with more leg than any other person would know what to do with, but even he can admit that the cat is practically a mutant. Even fishes around in his bag for a moment and Isak is pretty sure he got a glimpse of a couple of joints before Even pulls out a bag of... cat treats?

“What? I have a cat too.” Even shrugs at his nonplussed stare and motions him in.  
“Here’s the plan. Cats are stubborn, right? He’s going to keep running away as long as he knows we want to catch him.” Even pauses to glance at Isak, checking to see that he was following along as if Isak wasn’t clinging to his every word already.

“Ehh, I don’t know” Isak can’t help but smirk and roll his eyes as his (in)famous wit finally begins to rally. “I almost thought maybe you were catching up for a second there, before you tripped on that curb.”  
Even laughs at this, bumping shoulders with Isak, and Isak would’ve been proud of himself and his humor if the butterflies in his stomach weren’t thrashing hard enough that he wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t about to throw up. _It’s just from all the running. Probably shock from that car that almost hit us. Definitely not nerves, because that would be pathetic._

“We walk around like we’re just going for a stroll, definitely not looking for a cat...” Even continues, breaking through Isak’s internal struggle, leaning in, voice lowering conspiratorially as if the cat might overhear and wise up to their scheme, face so close and eyes so bright _focus Isak, he’s just taking pity on you don’t be that guy._

“... and when he gets bored,”

“Or hungry.” Isak broke in, hoping he could get away with a fat joke at the cat’s expense if it meant Even would laugh again.

“...we casually offer him a few treats.” Even chuckled, and Isak was not disappointed. “Let him feel like he’s doing us a favor, like it’s his idea.” he finished, clearly proud of this plan.

“You’re the cat whisperer.” Isak shrugged, smirking, not at all certain he was on the right side of the line between smooth and desperate but the joke slipped out before he could rethink it. He must have done something right, though, because Even’s smile lit up his whole face as his hand brushed up against the small of Isak’s back in a way that couldn’t quite be accidental, gesturing towards the rest of the park with his other hand in a grand, sweeping wave that was terribly overdramatic and simultaneously so charming it made Isak giddy. 

“Shall we?” Even asked and it felt more like an invitation to dance than a suggestion that they meander around in a public park. Isak knew he was staring at this point, grinning like a fool, but he just couldn’t help himself, and followed Even into the park.  
To Isak’s relief, talking to Even came just as naturally to him as following him across that busy street had. Even had graduated from Bakka the year before while Isak was just finishing up at Nissen this spring, so he could listen to Even drag his pretentious former classmates while Isak told stories about getting high with Jonas and arguing with his teacher who never wore a bra while they wandered around the park, hands brushing occasionally as they walked. It would have been nice, Isak reflected, to just enjoy the sunset with a charming boy who actually seemed to enjoy talking to him, in spite of Isak’s weird biology trivia and Even’s obscure movie references that he didn’t get but planned to look up the first chance he got, but thoughts of Louie, lost and cornered by coyotes or owls, kept him from truly appreciating the experience and he became increasingly anxious as the sun sank lower in the sky and the cat was still nowhere to be seen.

Even smiled at him encouragingly when it became clear Isak was too worried to be a good conversation partner. He felt guilty enough as is, being pathetic enough to lose track of Eskild’s cat _only hours after he’d been entrusted with it_ and derail a stranger’s day just because he couldn’t be trusted to find it on his own and opened his mouth to tell Even that he should just go home, stop wasting his time on Isak before he realized that he was actually a loser, when Even interrupted his thoughts.

“We’ll find him.” He wrapped an arm around Isak’s shoulders, sounding so confident, face too close and not close enough, and Isak wanted to believe him even more than he wanted to enjoy being hugged by a hot boy (which was a lot, really), but he was still afraid he’d lost Eskild’s cat for good. 

“But if he were going to come to us, wouldn’t he already-“ Isak’s protest was cut off by the soft yet unmistakable tinkling of a cat’s bell. Both boys immediately turned around, but the cat was nowhere in sight. Another gentle chime of the bell and they looked up to see Louie, as unimpressed as ever, watching them from the branches of a nearby tree. Relief flooded through Isak alongside a flash of irritation, because of course the cat would wait to make his presence known until that exact moment.

“Louie, get down from there!” Isak called to the cat, but it was halfhearted at best. If he’d learned anything today besides the name of a ridiculously pretty boy and the effects of adrenaline on arousal, it was that Eskild’s cat didn’t give a flying fuck about what he wanted it to do. Louie just stared back, tail flicking lazily, and Isak would have almost been angry if he weren’t still so relieved that they’d found the cat at last. Unless...

“You don’t think he’s stuck, do you?” He asked Even, suddenly worried again.

“Nah, he’ll come down when he wants to. Though it looks like that might not be for a while...” Even trailed off. He pulled out the bag of cat treats again, and tried to hold them up, rattling the bag, where Louie could see or smell them, but the furry asshole just flattened his ears, clearly insulted by their meager offering.  


Isak glanced around, growing nervous again. It was almost dark and the park would be closing soon.

“That’s it. I’m gonna go up there and get him.” Isak made for the tree before he could change his mind.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Even sounded equal parts amused and dubious and Isak was sure doubt had never seemed so attractive on anyone else, especially when it was doubt in his own abilities. Still, he answered the only way he knew how: with a bluff, hoping that Even wouldn’t think to call him on it.

“It’ll be fine. I’m the master at climbing trees, you know,” he boasted, and jumped to grab the lowest branch. And it should have been fine. It really should have. The branch wasn’t that high and he could easily reach it by jumping. Hell, Louie could apparently reach it by jumping and he was only a fraction of Isak’s size and fat from all the butter Eskild kept feeding him. Isak had undoubtedly performed more impressive athletic stunts than this one, often while he was drunk or higher than a kite.

Naturally, it was not fine. Isak had been so focused on both finding the cat and impressing Even that his hands were sweaty with nerves, and his sweaty hands slipped as he grabbed the bark of the branch. He had a moment to scramble for purchase on the tree bark (were trees always this slippery? Surely not there must be something wrong with this one), flailing his arms and winging a smaller twig which promptly snapped back up and whipped him in the face, stinging skin and shoving leaves up his nose, before he lost his hold entirely and landed unceremoniously on his back, Eskild’s damn cat smirking far above.

“Are you alright?” Even gasped, clearly aiming for concerned but unable to stop laughing long enough to really pull it off. Isak felt his face flush. So much for not looking like a fool. _Some master of tree climbing._

“You’re not hurt, are you? Besides your pride, that is.” Even was still making fun of him, but the concern in his eyes seemed genuine enough and Isak would take what he could get.

“That was just a warm up.” Isak insisted, hoping to salvage the situation, groaning at the ache in his back as he sat up. “I climb trees all the time.”

“Fuck, you’re such a bad liar!” Even’s laughing again but he offers Isak a hand, helping him up, checking him over ( _checking him out? A guy can always hope_ ) and brushing a few leaves out of his hair, so Isak decides that it could have been worse. But the cat is still in the tree and it was nearly dark already, so there was nothing for it but to try again; his tree climbing mastery may be questionable at best but it would have to be enough.

“Let me try this time.” Even insisted and Isak swallowed his protests when he got a glimpse of Even’s middle under his shirt as he hopped up (he was so tall he didn’t even need to jump properly to reach) and grabbed the branch, pulling himself up while giving Isak an excellent view of his toned arms. Carefully, Even straddled the branch, reaching upward to the cat less than a meter above. Louie’s tail lashed, but he didn’t hiss or try to run which was a victory in Isak’s book. Isak held his breath as Even’s large hands wrapped around the cat, dwarfing him in spite of his rolls of fat, and pulled him down off the branch.

Finally, he could breathe again. He hadn’t gotten Eskild’s cat killed. They’d found him, and he’d finally spoken to his hot neighbor and actually hadn’t managed to completely repulse him even though he’d fallen out of a tree and almost got hit by a car and maybe things were going to be okay after all.  


Or so he thought, until a bright beam from a flashlight blinded him.

“Hey! What are you doing?” The voice was aggressive, accusatory, and belonged to a uniformed park worker who looked terribly unhappy to see two boys and a cat messing with a tree after dark, and also like he might call the police on them.

Unfortunately, the loud voice and bright flashlight also startled Louie, who yowled and began to flail in Even’s arms. Isak could only stare as Even himself lost his balance trying to hold on to the thrashing cat, and both tumbled out of the tree into an undignified heap of limbs and bristling fur _I guess even he can’t make a fall like that look good_ but Isak didn’t really have time to dwell on that thought because Louie had clearly had it with their shit, swiping Even’s arms with his claws and retreating towards the park’s entrance with typical haste, and then Even was scrambling to his feet, swearing and sprinting after Louie with Isak right behind him. Whether they were running after the cat or away from the park worker (who was actually chasing them, _who the fuck does that_ ) was uncertain but Isak figured the only thing that really mattered at that moment was that they were running somewhere that was not the park with all of its coyotes and owls and damn slippery trees, and that they were doing it together.


	2. Cat got your Tongue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took longer than I thought, but here's the second installment! If at least a few of you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it I will be thrilled. Also, I'll probably have to go back and fix the italics at least 8 times since I always miss some of them.
> 
> Warnings for: Extremely cheesy metaphors, playing fast and loose with obscure religions, general awkwardness, and one frumpy landlady (do these even count somehow I don't think they do but too late I already typed them)
> 
> Let me know what you think!

Dashing headlong through the streets of Oslo, hand-in-hand with a lovely boy who was both beautiful and kind enough to help a stranger catch his cat wasn’t exactly how Isak had planned to spend his Friday night, but he found he couldn’t complain. Even had grabbed his hand during their hasty exit from the park and hadn’t let go, even though their breathing was ragged and they’d managed to lose the portly park guard several blocks ago.

Following Louie was surprisingly easier at night. Even when he slipped off into the shadows or rounded a corner like the surprisingly sneaky fucker that he was, they could still follow him by the sound of the bell on his collar. The little monster must’ve be getting tired, though, because he soon slowed enough that they no longer had to run to keep up. He’d still dash off if they tried to get too close, but their current strategy was one of attrition. The cat had gotten more exercise in the last day than he’d probably had in his entire life, so he would surely tire soon, right? Isak certainly hoped so. The streets also weren’t nearly as crowded as they had been when the chase had first begun, so there were fewer people for him to knock down, and also fewer people to make him feel nervous about holding Even’s hand, because even Isak wasn’t too dense to realize that that was exactly what they were doing.

Isak knew hand holding was hardly something to be ashamed of, and he wasn’t even really in the closet any more; he’d come out to the people who mattered the previous fall, and even so none of those people, nor anyone he’d ever expect to see again, were here right now to see him. Still, overt, public displays of physical affection were not something that came naturally to him, so on the few occasions where he’d done anything remotely physical with other boys (emphasis on remotely, but he was working on it), it had always been in very private locations. That holding hands with Even felt so natural came as a surprise to him.

Isak had long since believed in the multiplicity of universes, but he’d often worried that he’d somehow ended up in the wrong one. It was getting easier, really, now that he’d moved out of his parent’s house and come out to his friends. He should have nothing to complain about. But even now he occasionally felt like a piece taken from a different puzzle and placed in the wrong box; most of the time everything was fine, as long as the pieces were in the box, but whenever someone tried to assemble his metaphorical puzzle he was always that one piece that wouldn’t quite fit, or worse, the extra piece left over after the puzzle was completed with all the pieces that were actually meant to be there and nobody knew where the fuck it had come from or what to do with it now. 

With Even, though, it felt as if his puzzle piece fit right. At least, he’d prefer to think of it in those terms because it was a hell of a lot easier to make a bizarre metaphor about puzzles than to acknowledge that the guy he just met made him feel like he’s in the right universe at last _what the hell, Isak, when did you get so soft._

Still, sappy or not, being with Even just felt natural. Right. They’d only met a few hours ago and all they’d really done was climb trees and jaywalk, but it already felt like they’d known each other a lot longer. Though he had always found romantic movies to be trite and disingenuous, when Even talked about them with such passion he found himself bluffing (poorly) about having heard of them or seen them and making a mental note to look up this Baz Luhrman guy as soon as possible. When Isak had gone off on a tangent about the inheritance patterns of cat coat colors and gone into great detail describing the rare genetic conditions that could result in a male tortoiseshell, Even had smiled, listened, like it was the most interesting thing he’d heard all day, and he seemed so sincere. They smiled, laughed, teased and joked as if they’d been doing it for years. Even made him feel just a little more comfortable in his own skin, _his own universe,_ Isak would allow. And if he didn’t quite feel ready to give a name to all those confusing feelings spilling from his mind and setting butterflies fluttering in his gut, at least he was almost positive that Even was feeling them too. _Maybe the Isaks and Evens of other universes meet too._ But that thought brought up another more urgent one.

“Wait,” Isak called out, “I never told you my name! It’s –"

“Isak, right? I know.” Even flashed him his winning smile, and Isak immediately reverted to the same blushing, tongue-tied mess he’d been when they’d first ran into each other (literally) several hours earlier.

“What. How-"

Isak was saved from his verbal awkwardness by the return of his physical awkwardness. His foot managed to catch on a trashcan, knocking it over with a loud metallic crash and sending Isak staggering forward. Even’s grip on his hand tightened as he careened into him, glimpsing Louie up ahead turning into an alley before they both went down in a heap.

Before he had the chance to really process how he’d ended up sprawled on Even’s chest for the second time that day, curse his clumsiness, or even wish that they were doing the same thing _literally anywhere_ besides a public sidewalk for any other reason, Even burst out laughing, and Isak quickly followed him. The awkwardness dissolved and Isak figured he could forgive himself for not wanting to move quite yet.

Isak found he wasn’t even slightly surprised when Eskild’s asshole cat interrupted them yet again. _Way to ruin a moment. That cat’s timing is a bitch._ Of course, he wanted to catch the cat, he really did. But somehow Even seemed okay with them just sort of laying there longer than should have been comfortable and he was warm and Isak was exhausted from chasing the damn cat all day. Still, seeing the smug bastard rubbing himself up against the corner of an adjacent building helped Isak make up his mind; as much as he didn’t want to move, the idea of letting Louie _win_ was intolerable. He wasn’t entirely sure when this had turned into a competition, a ridiculous battle of wills with a cat, but there was no going back now, and either way Eskild would still kill him if he didn’t get the cat back.

Isak reluctantly climbed to his feet, making sure to get up quickly enough that he could be the one to offer a hand up to Even this time. _It’s not weird; any decent person would offer a hand to someone they knocked down. That businessman earlier doesn’t count, though._ Louie, for once, didn’t immediately flee. To the contrary; he simply sat down, flicking his tail in a way that would seem like a challenge. A _dare_ to approach him, almost, and Isak was never one to back down from a challenge.

Apparently, neither was Even, because he started towards the cat first. Louie clearly wasn’t ready to go down without a fight, however, because he hissed, fur bristling and making him look even more comically round, or at least he would look comical if he weren’t also growling like a hellbeast. That stopped Even in his tracks; after spending several hours chasing the cat all over the city and getting his hands clawed bloody when he fell out of that tree, Even had evidently concluded that Louie was not to be taken lightly. Isak would’ve found it ridiculous if he hadn’t found himself in complete agreement. 

“Why don’t you try? He knows you better.” Even turned to Isak, tilting his chin towards the angry cat.

“Knows me better?!?” Isak sputtered. “He literally spent the entire evening running out in front of moving traffic just to get away from me. He can’t stand me.” 

“Nonsense. He likes you just fine.” Even insisted, and Isak didn’t know where his confidence came from or how he could be so damn convincing _when there was clear evidence to the contrary._ “If he actually hated you, he’d have ditched you a long time ago, but he let you follow him instead.”

“ _Let_ me follow him?” Isak may have been incredulous but he did _not_ squeak, his voice _did not_ crack, _most definitely not_. “So he just strung me along for a couple hours because he likes me? Damn, cats really are sadistic.” Isak glanced over at Louie, who seemed perfectly content to sit and smugly watch them argue about him. He still wasn’t convinced the cat wouldn’t bolt if he tried to approach or savage his hands if he tried to grab him, but Even had a way of making even really terrible ideas sound fantastic, so Isak was wavering.

“C’mon, it’ll be fine. He’s even waiting for you.” Even winked and Isak had never made up his mind about a dubious at best idea so quickly, except for all of those other dubious ideas he’d gone along with already simply because it was Even who suggested them.

“Alright...” he gave in, but he refused to sound anything less than confident even when completely out of his depth, so he added “I may as well try. After all, he probably hates you after you dropped him when you fell out of that tree.” Even laughed out a _fuck you very much_ and Isak felt a little more confident. Louie looked almost harmless, sitting and waiting like that. _Almost._ Still, Isak approached him slowly. Carefully.

_Talk to him,_ Even mouthed. He nodded in encouragement when Isak just stared back. What was he supposed to say to his roommate’s cat who probably hated him? He couldn’t imagine bargaining with the cat, or trying to persuade him using words he wouldn’t understand anyway, but Even was still watching expectantly, so Isak saw no alternative but to try.

“Hey Louie. You ready to go home?” he called out softly, in his best imitation of sincerity, creeping closer. Louie lashed his tail violently, poised to bolt again, but at least he’d stopped the bloodcurdling yowling (Isak still couldn’t believe sounds like that could be made by a housecat) so Isak continued. 

“It’s alright. It’s just me. Isak, remember?” Isak felt ridiculous but he had a feeling this might be the best chance they’d get at catching Louie so he did his best. 

“We’re friends. Well, sort of. You tolerate me. Usually.” He could see Even stifling a laugh out of the corner of his eye but for once he didn’t let it distract him. The cat meowed softly, and didn’t run, so perhaps he was doing something right after all.

“I know you like Eskild better but he’s not here,” the cat’s ears twitched at hearing Eskild’s name, “so I’m the best you’ve got right now.” Isak crouched, stretching out a hand. He was almost close enough to touch the cat and hadn’t been bitten or scratched yet.

“Let’s go home. I’ll even let you have some butter.” Isak offered, surprising himself with his own sincerity. If buttering up the cat metaphorically and literally was necessary to get him home safe, he was willing to do it. Whether Louie was finally bored with taunting Isak, or if he actually knew what the word _butter_ meant and wanted some was uncertain, but the cat took the last step towards Isak’s outstretched hand, brushing his soft cheek against it. _He’s even softer than he looks._

Once it was apparent that Louie didn’t plan to run if Isak so much as twitched, he gathered him up in his arms, for once withholding any commentary on the cat’s weight, and turned back to Even. He was still smiling brightly, but his expression was somehow softer, even warmer than before. Isak felt his lips twitch into a smile; the butterflies in his stomach had made a return, but they felt more like a gentle flutter than the all out thrashing from earlier, and Isak was so _warm_ , inside and out.

 

It wasn’t until they were mostly finished with their long trek back to the apartment building that Isak remembered.

“Wait. How did you know my name?” He was positive he hadn’t introduced himself, even if it felt like he’d known Even much longer than a few hours, glances and winks in the hallway notwithstanding. 

“Well...” Even stopped for a moment, as if to gather his thoughts. Isak couldn’t say that he minded; Louie had been surprisingly quiet and cooperative on the journey home (he was getting heavy but by now Isak knew better than to mention it), and they were within sight of their building. He was relieved to have caught the cat, but not quite ready to part with Even.

“Your roommate Eskild. He mentioned you.” 

“He did?” Isak cringed inwardly and hopefully not outwardly. _Who knew what Eskild had said?_

“Yeah.” Even nodded. “It was at our last meeting.” Isak’s confusion must have been apparent because Even continued without prompting.

“It’s, you know, a religious thing. Religious meeting.” That was the last thing Isak was expecting and _why hadn’t Eskild mentioned this sooner,_ but Even went on:

“We were talking about you. At the Cult of Bastet meeting.” Isak could feel his jaw drop and was too bewildered to care. _Cult?_ “Maybe you haven’t heard of it. We worship cats and all. That’s why I know so much about them.” Even glanced at Isak as if to check if he understood. Isak didn’t have time to school his expression into something more neutral, normal, and appropriate for situations wherein your new love interest just offhandedly mentioned that he worships cats, not that he had any idea what such an expression would look like.

“Anyway. He mentioned that we should invite you to the next initiation. There’s going to be a goat sacrifice and everything. It should be a pretty good time.” Even paused, probably at the absolutely stunned expression on Isak’s face.

“So, would you like to come?” and how the hell could Even’s smile still be so appealing when he’d literally just invited somebody to a goat sacrifice 

“Unless you’d rather go to a bigger ceremony? I can ask if maybe we could do a sheep sacrifice next month...”

“Wha- I, uhm, well... goats?” Isak knew there probably wasn’t a verb in that sentence he’d just attempted and he was staring like a fool, but Even was just watching him like he expected a response, or Isak’s input on the merits of sheep versus goats as sacrificial animals and _is he serious surely he’s joking but he’s got a fucking good pokerface what if he really does worship cats_ and Isak _could not._

Even’s neutral expression crumpled into laughter all at once just a moment later and Isak wasn’t sure whether to be outraged or endeared or anything other than completely lost.

“Oh my god,” he gasped, doubled over, “You really believed me! Goat sacrifice, Isak? Really?” and if there was anything else he’d planned to say, Isak couldn’t hear it because Even was laughing too hard to speak, and a few seconds later Isak was too.

“I did not!” Isak sputtered, though he was failing pretty spectacularly at actually seeming indignant. “I was just humoring you. Of course I’d never believe something so ridiculous. Now, maybe if you’d told me you have a cat kink...” and then they were laughing so hard, Isak choking out something about _Kattehookern,_ that Louie started yowling and squirming in protest and they both tried to collect themselves, at least enough to get inside the building.

“I read the nameplate outside your door.” Even admitted a few minutes later, when they’d caught their breath and reached their floor after enduring the judgmental stare and unreasonably irritable muttering of their overbearingly fussy landlady as she’d passed them on her way out of the building.

“Of fucking course you did.” Isak muttered it as if it were completely obvious, _of course he’d figured that much out, who did Even think he was_ as he fished around for his keys. Which, now that he thought about it, were probably in his room, on his nightstand, where he’d left them before he’d had to go running after the devil’s own cat on exactly no notice at all.

“Fuuuuck,” he groaned. “My keys. They’re inside. I’m locked out.” As if he understood that if nothing else, there would be a delay in the promised butter, Louie started squirming again. Of course, the landlady had just left; she was borderline intolerable even under the best of circumstances, and her distaste for being bothered for any reason was rivaled only by her distaste for Isak himself. Calling her to ask to be let into his room, covered in cat hair and dirt, would only invite a lecture about the moral depravity of young people, with no guarantee that she’d actually let him in once she was finished.

“I don’t suppose Eskild is around to let you in?” Even didn’t even suggest they call the landlady, to Isak’s relief. 

“No, he won’t be back until Sunday.” Isak moaned. Damnit. He really was tired of frumpy landlady’s lectures, but he couldn’t exactly ask Eskild to curtail his vacation, either, especially when he’d probably have to admit that he only got locked out because he almost lost Eskild’s cat. Eskild would probably be even worse than the landlady in that situation, because he’d be so disappointed as well as pissed, and nothing could make Isak feel quite as guilty as Eskild’s disappointment.

“Well... You could stay at mine?” If Isak didn’t know better, he’d have almost thought Even sounded _flustered_ when he offered, a little too fast, too breathless to be suave with a hint of pink in his cheeks, but either way he was too distracted to dwell on it. _Stay with Even? Together? Overnight?_ Isak’s face probably skipped pink and went straight to full on red, but Isak was willing to postpone analyzing whether Even was offering for him to spend the night or _spend the night,_ because he was literally being asked to choose between spending a weekend with the hottest guy he’d ever met or endure a sermon from the fussiest landlord on the continent and there was really only one answer to that question.

“Um, sure. I’d love to. Or, I mean. That would be great. I’d really appreciate it.” He glanced down at Louie, silently praying to be saved from his own verbal disaster, but the cat seemed perfectly content to remain silent and let Isak flounder on his own.

“I’ve got an extra cat carrier, too, in case Louie doesn’t get along with Sonja. It’s pretty big, so-“

“Sonja?” Isak couldn’t help but cut in. _Does he have a girlfriend of course he has a girlfriend fuck me why didn’t I know this-_

“Ja, Sonja.” Even’s eyes softened with affection and Isak felt like he’d been punched in the gut.

“I mean, are you sure this is okay? I don’t want to interrupt you and... Sonja.” Isak backpedaled frantically, because he’d actually rather ask the landlady if she wanted to join him at a gay bar than endure a weekend of third wheeling. _A third wheel, even in this universe._

“Oh, it should be fine. Sonja loves people. You’ve got to meet her. She’s so soft. You’ve got to pet her.” Even could clearly sense Isak’s reluctance, _but damn, he had weird ideas about social boundaries._

“... Pet her?”

“Oh. Oh, no. Sonja’s my cat. Fuck,” he swore, “you didn’t think I was talking about my girlfriend, did you?”

Isak barely suppressed a sigh of relief, but he couldn’t quite let himself relax again, torn between giddy relief and fear of disappointment.

“Yeah, I guess, though it’s a little kinky to ask other people to pet your girlfriend.” Isak tried for a laugh but he knew it wasn’t quite convincing. “Really, though, won’t I be in the way? If your friends, or your... girlfriend comes over?” He practically had to spit the word out but it seemed he’d missed the bus for subtlety long ago and couldn’t really bring himself to care when he was already on the verge of wallowing in silent self pity.

“I just don’t want to impose, or anything. Today was great and I really appreciate you helping me and all...” Isak trailed off, looking down at Louie again, and this time the cat actually took pity on him, brushing his furry cheek against Isak’s chin. _It’s pretty bad when even the most assholish cat I’ve ever met thinks I need comforting._

“Nei, nei. No girlfriend. I’m single -" Even seemed to catch on at last, tilting Isak’s face back up to his with a finger under his chin, _is this really happening_ “ - and it’s no trouble at all. I’d... actually like it if you stayed, really.”

To his credit, Isak firmly restrained the urge to jump Even right there but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t shiver at least a little at his touch. 

“Th- thanks. I- I’d really like to stay too.” and _could you be any more awkward,_ but Even’s face was really quite close to his now and Isak’s thoughts were short circuiting.

“So. Sunday’s a while off. What should we... do until then?” _Now or never. Do or die._

“Well... I can think of a few things.” Eyes burning bright, faces so close their noses brush, breath against breath, Even’s hand tangling in Isak’s hair as he leans in.

In this universe, Isak spent his Friday night chasing his roommate’s cat, but in this moment, he decides he really doesn’t mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, a brief bit of headcannon to go along with this, regarding Sonja the cat.
> 
> 1\. Sonja the cat is a beautiful Siamese cat.  
> 2.Even is aware that some people would say that it is pathetic to name your cat after your ex.  
> 3\. He might even agree with them in other circumstances, but sometime after they broke up (they are broken up already in this 'verse), he named his cat after her during an episode, and now he refuses to change it because he's stubborn and not the type to be ashamed of something like that. So Sonja the cat it is. 
> 
> Also, regarding the Cult of Bastet:
> 
> I only know that Bastet was a cat god in ancient Egypt. I literally know nothing else, including their position on the sacrifice of goats or sheep, but it seemed like the sort of outrageous lie Even would make up so I went with it.


End file.
